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For Families: What is Forgiveness: The Final Step of a Real Apology

Updated: Mar 3, 2021

Hi Music Fam! Thanks for dropping by! This is a followup post to circle back on the last (and for some of us, the most challenging) step of an apology. Gary Chapman describes asking for forgiveness or stating "I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart for what I did" as a way to conclude an authentic apology (see my previous blog post for the 4 preceding steps.)

In this step of the Apology process we have to be vulnerable and embrace the deepest humility for the sake of the health and longevity of our relationship. THIS. CAN. BE. HARD.

We may be conditioned to not admit our faults because of our ego and upbringing. Perhaps we were made to admit we were wrong when we weren't, or perhaps we were shamed when we made mistakes. The time for abuse and shaming is over. We are healing and we are renewing our relationships.

What is Forgiveness?

To forgive someone is defined as " to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone." Unfortunately that does not help us find forgiveness when we are struggling. Lets break down some steps to finding forgiveness.

  1. In asking for forgiveness we are asking if our friend has any more hurt they need to express.

  2. We are asking if we have addressed that hurt adequately through the steps of our apology practice and apology communication steps.

  3. We are asking if our friend feels heard in their pain and what needs they may have to feel safe in future interactions.

  4. We are expressing our willingness to further reflect upon and circle back to discuss the experience/hurt.

In bringing our hurts and needs to the front of our conversations, we will be able to find common ground and compassion to trust and heal the hurt we've encountered.

Take a look at the VLOG, Thanks for dropping in!

Make Music Today!


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